Last Days

So far, this year has been all about major endings, starting over, stepping up, and making major commitments. And let's not forget, turning thirty. :))

For the past months, I was so intent on taking the next step - finding a new job and getting on with my life - that I almost forgot I was closing a huge chapter as I end my three-year employment with the government. When I applied for my last position back in 2009, I was told upfront that my employment had a three-year deadline and would end as soon as our boss retires when he turns 70. At that time, I wasn't sure of what I wanted and I felt that working at the office would buy me enough time (and give me a definite, reasonable deadline) to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. While I can't say everything's clear now and that I'm all set for the next 20 years, I'm thankful to have gotten to know myself better during my last employment - I now know what to pursue and what to let go without regret.

Early last week, the weather was terrible. I honestly didn't feel like attending our boss' retirement party because of it but of course I had to. I didn't expect to feel a tinge of sadness during the party. Our boss is very low-key and he didn't want to make such a big deal out of his retirement and the dinner party that comes with it. But I realized, as speeches were given and ceremonies were performed, that the retirement is a big deal not only for him but for his family, his friends, and the rest of the staff as well. For me, it means leaving the life I've become so comfortable with for the past three years. I'll miss the daily routine, the Manila area, the lunch sessions with my friends at the common table, and Ate Espie's daily rounds as she sells all kinds of distinctively Pinoy snacks after lunchtime. I'll even miss the things that used to annoy me - like the almost two-hour traffic going to work, the office rat (mascot?) we named "George", the neon uniforms, the "new" elevator that takes forever to bring us from one floor to the next. These things have given me something to look back to and laugh about with my officemates.

On Michael Scott's last day at the office (yes, I derive wisdom from the best sources. Hehe), although he knew he was moving on to greener pastures, Michael asked his employee, Jim Halpert why he's so sad and if he's doing the wrong thing by leaving the office. Jim assured him that he wasn't doing the wrong thing - "It's just that sometimes, goodbyes are a b*tch." So true. :P Goodbyes are inevitable and often necessary, but every time I have to move on, there's always a stubborn part of me that would prefer to stay, no matter how impractical or unreasonable it may be. At the end of the party, I felt as heavy as I did on my college graduation - which says a lot, since I felt saddest at my college graduation more than my high school or law school grads. It bums me out to think this is my third separation anxiety this year - first one was after our US trip with the family and the second was when I had to leave my twenties (hehe). But major endings do lead to fresh beginnings so despite a heavy heart, I'm looking forward to my new life ahead.

I have to say goodbye to the Manila area too. Hehe. I don't think I'll ever get to work in the area again in the future.