Love in the Time of Camera

photo taken at ed and angel's prenup :D

I've been meaning to post this entry months ago, but I never had the time and patience to finish it until now. I've been stuck with the first paragraph for the longest time. Caveat, it's a long one, and it's probably the first time I'm writing about one of those things left unsaid for the past (almost) two years in my previous blog. 'Hope it makes the slightest sense. Hehe :)



Those who know what I've been through must think I'm crazy for deciding to become a wedding photographer. Being a photographer isn't something I aspired to become growing up. Although I've enjoyed taking pictures since I was in late grade school (with an old school film camera of course), I never saw photography as something I can actually do for work. I got into photography as a hobby in my early twenties, but I never took it seriously until 2009, when I decided to make it my goal for the year to get better at photography. That year, armed with a Nikon D40 (which my brother gave me after I took the bar exam in 2007), I attempted to get in the apprenticeship program of Imagine Nation Studios, which specializes in weddings and events coverage. After praying to God unceasingly that I be accepted, He granted me my request and allowed me to be part of the program.

At around the same time I got accepted, I was engaged to be married. As with any OC bride-to-be, I was hell bent on creating the perfect wedding. Together with my then fiance, I attended every bridal fair I could, browsed every bridal magazine I could get hold of, did an in-depth research on suppliers in the Weddings @ Work group (complete with comparative charts). I had a rough sketch of my wedding gown, we had a venue and chapel in mind, we considered different color motifs, painstakingly listed and trimmed down the guest list and godparents' list. To prepare us for marriage, we joined pre-marriage seminars, had a pre-marriage counselor we consistently sought advice from, joined a young married couples' group that had a weekly fellowship and we even watched Fireproof (I highly recommend it to married couples :) ). At bridal fairs where we were tasked to market the studio, I made an immediate connection with most of the brides as I shared that I, too, was going to be married soon.

More than a year after the proposal, however, things took a different turn. It took me and my then fiance months to realize that things wouldn't work out as planned. As reality set in, we called off the engagement and decided to end the relationship for good.

It may not have seemed like a struggle, but shooting weddings became difficult for me after the breakup. Every time I covered a wedding, I couldn't help but think about how my own wedding would've turned out. I came across suppliers I wanted to book, saw motifs/themes I wanted to use. Every time, I put myself in the bride's shoes and tried to imagine how I would handle my own big day. A lot of times, I felt a tinge of guilt knowing that I let a lot of people down when we decided not to push through with the wedding. As if adding insult to injury, at one wedding, I found out that the groom was our pre-marriage counselor's son. We weren't able to update our counselor about what happened since my then fiance and I stopped seeing him before the breakup. When our counselor asked how my ex-fiance and I were, I had the burden of recounting how the relationship ended. At another shoot, I was surprised to find out we were shooting a couple we used to attend marriage seminars with in church. The pastor leading the seminar was also there. I tried my best to avoid any opportunity to talk about the breakup. I learned to just laugh off these strange coincidences and commit my disappointments to God.

Difficult as it was, I knew I was really passionate about shooting weddings. I genuinely enjoyed shooting. I loved being around the people I worked with. I felt so productive and fulfilled after every shoot, I barely felt that I'm tired. So I continued to shoot weddings, juggling shoots with my day job. I tried to focus myself on other activities, kept myself surrounded with my family and friends who have always been supportive.

My two-year stint in Imagine Nation taught me everything I needed to know about wedding photography - I learned to shoot in full manual mode, upped my standards in photography, I learned how to deal effectively with couples, among other things. But more importantly, shooting weddings had taught me a lot about relationships. I realized that maybe one of the reasons why God placed me in the wedding industry is that He wanted to impress upon me the value of marriage. After hearing so many homilies/sermons, I accepted that I was not ready to be married. Contrary to what most think, getting married is not just the next logical step in your life after you've successfully finished your academics or after years of being gainfully employed. It is a conscious decision you should stick with, be ready for, and act responsibly for. It is a union that could not possibly work if you don't have God at the center of the relationship. Suddenly I felt so small confronted with such a big decision that maybe I'm really better off just shooting weddings now rather than being the bride. Hehe.

Also, hearing our couples' stories deeply inspire me. I realized that God crafts each unique love story beautifully and there's no set formula in every relationship. It's amusing to hear how our couples first met or how some persisted with their relationship despite all odds. A couple we shot first met at a grocery while grabbing for the same chocolate drink, and the groom followed the bride that same day, courted her, and they got married after a few years. Another couple first met at a chapel, when they were, coincidentally, both praying for a significant other. We also encountered a couple who first met through (the now outdated hehe) Friendster. The groom (who later on denied the story. Haha) asked a common Friendster contact to act as the middle man. One of our couples were set up by a friend and after the groom confessed his feelings to the bride and opened up to her about his background, they found out that they come from the same orphanage. I met a couple who kept their relationship a secret from the bride's family for 15 long years due to cultural differences. (Their wedding was a tearjerker, I swear) These stories would not have been possible if God wasn't in the picture. And yes, listening to these stories somehow gives me hope and strength to wait patiently for my own love story to unfold (or not haha).

I wish I could end this entry with my own successful love story (chos). But like a lot of wonderful women I know, I don't have such a story yet, and I'm still enjoying my single adventures and misadventures. Hehe. It's been one interesting ride, really, and I've enjoyed the past two years so far that it doesn't even feel like I'm waiting for something (or someone). Indeed, if God truly wills it, He'll allow me to be with the person He has prepared for me. As God has promised in Jeremiah 29:11 (I think I've posted this before but i'm posting it again): "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" So, just keep the faith and everything will fall into place. In God's time. :)