Today's Devo

I have to be honest. I haven't done my quiet time in a while. I try to read the Bible as much as I can; and I have constant conversations with God throughout the day, but lately, I haven't set aside time alone with God to talk with Him and read His word. 

I know I have to do my devo. There is so much I want to know. I need wisdom and understanding. Before going to work today, I decided to have breakfast at the coffeeshop across the street. I was listening to John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" on loop. As I walked in, the song, "Everything" by Lifehouse was playing. I knew that God is with me. 

Here is a part of the song: 

"Find me here, and speak to me 
I want to feel you, I need to hear you 
You are the light that's leading me to the place 
Where I find peace again 
You are the strength that keeps me walking 
You are the hope that keeps me trusting 
You are the life to my soul 
You are my purpose 
You're everything."

And this is what I read in my devo: Psalm 32:8-10

⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
⁹ Do not be like the horse or the mule,
    which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
    or they will not come to you.
¹⁰ Many are the woes of the wicked,
    but the Lord’s unfailing love
    surrounds the one who trusts in him.

I was reminded again that my primary purpose on earth is to glorify Him. Indeed, He is everything in my life. He is my light, my strength, my hope, my life. I know I've been a bit lost and confused lately in a lot of aspects of my life but I have to look at the bigger picture and focus on Him, not on anything else. Not on all the trivial concerns that weigh me down and wear me out every day. God is my source of strength. Also, after I read these verses in Psalm, I'm assured that God won't withhold His wisdom from me. He will grant me wisdom and instruction, all I need to do is ask and to continue trusting in Him. I thank the Lord for continuously reminding me of His presence in the midst of confusion. 

Hello Monday

Today didn't start out so bad. I woke up early as always, had an unusually healthy breakfast, and even had the time to reflect on the message at the service the previous day about praying without ceasing. 

I went to work and I suddenly had mixed feelings about my career. 5 years into my profession, I still feel insecure about my skill and, given my passion for things not related to the law, I still wonder whether I'm actually still fit for this job. Circumstances (major, life-changing ones) the past week made me rethink about my track as a photographer. Suddenly, I want to devote a lot of time on it (again). I was telling my friend that morning that I wanted to have lunch alone at the condo that day, but due to some meetings, I didn't have the time to leave the office for lunch. 

As the day progressed, I received not-so-good news that may impact my future/my career. Later in the afternoon, I was asked to go to the Supreme Court for research. I went back to my old office to ask for help from a former colleague, who was nice enough to accommodate me. 'Also met up with an old blockmate. It felt strange visiting the court compound. It was the second time I visited since my employment ended a year ago. Some of the guards/employees still remembered me and were asking me where I work now. Whenever I mention I work at a private company, they would ask why I would prefer that over working at a government office. 

It was getting late, and people were raring to leave because of SONA and the traffic. I wasn't able to get the documents I needed to research on, and I thought about postponing my leave (I'm supposed to go to Palawan this week with the family), so I can finish this tomorrow. I felt frustrated at how difficult it was to obtain documents from government offices. I was even misinformed that some records were destroyed during Ondoy. Good thing the person in charge rechecked and told me the records are in tact. 

On our way back to the office, we passed through Quirino ave. When I glanced to my left, I saw a black car with a weird contraption on the windshield. It took me a few seconds to realize that the contraption was a camera, and a car scene was being filmed. I tried to look who was inside the vehicle, and lo and behold, it was Ser Chief and Maya. Haha. I think I exclaimed so loudly that the driver told me, "Gusto niyo pala sila, Ma'am?". I thought I was expressing a completely normal reaction. I felt that anyone, BCWMH fan or not, would've been as excited. :)) 

When I got to the office, I was so hungry that I almost consumed an entire slice of chocolate campfire cake from Purple Oven, bought by one of the people from the department. It's like devil's food cake from Chockiss, but infinitely better. I told our boss that I wanted to postpone my trip so I can finish the work at the courts, but he told me to push through with my flight. I'll just probably coordinate with them while I'm on vacation. 

I went home earlier today to an (almost) full house again. Though I was a bit late, everyone else was still at the dining table, talking and laughing. It lifted my mood for a while. And then I remembered that Pwintet (aka Princess. See above pic) is already dying and may pass on anytime soon, as told by the vet this morning. She's been in an out of the vet for weeks now and she has been really weak. She couldn't get up anymore. My mom and our maid cried the whole day when they heard the news. My mom's eyes were puffy from crying. We visited Pwintet at the vet after dinner and I felt bad that I'll be in Palawan until Friday and it may be the last time I was seeing her. Then we rushed home because I haven't packed yet and I need to do some other work. 

It has been a long, strange, and confusing day and I honestly don't know how to end this entry. Ehe. Hoping to get some stability and lots of great photos in Palawan. 

Yez I'm Back

Since I last posted, I turned a year older (I'm now officially in my early thirties :(( ); I've had two beach trips; my siblings from the US arrived (and the entire family is together again); moms' day passed; dads' day passed; my eldest niece just went to college; I lagged behind in running; and Maya Dela Rosa officially became Sir Chief's girlfriend. Harhar. I had tons of material I could've written about and a lot of photos to accompany them, but I simply couldn't make time for blogging.

Three weeks ago, our office sent us on a training to take up a course led by a Harvard Business School Professor. I've always contemplated going to business school, but I think I have too much on my plate already that it's impossible to add anything more (and that would probably force me to give up shooting, which I can't do), so I'm glad that we have the opportunity to take these courses once in a while. 

These are just some of the photos from our seminar: 

The fog was so thick, a friend messaged me on Instagram, asking if I was in Singapore taking photos of the haze. :)) I'm hoping to get the official group photo soon so I can post it here. Ehe.

On our first night in Tagaytay, I had a lot of time in the evening and nothing to do (aside from reading up on a case study we were supposed to discuss the following day). I had no one to go with; the only other people I knew were the bosses and some acquaintances who had other people to go with. I had no means of transpo to go anywhere. I didn't want to spend the entire night holed up in the hotel room so I decided to stay in Starbucks to Facebook/study. Hehe loser. I realized then how much I missed my family. (And the sun.) I got so used to spending time with the entire family the past weeks that I wasn't used to spending time alone anymore. Thing is, before they arrived, being alone was the norm for me. As long as there's work to be done (and work never gets finished hehe), I'm ok with being alone. After the balikbayans leave, I'm sure it will be difficult to go back to my daily grind.

In stark contrast, this is how I spent the past week with my family: 

When I arrived from Tagaytay on Wednesday, I went straight to dinner with my siblings and their families in Don Day. Yes, I was home again. :)

My First Half Marathon

For the longest time, I kept the race kit for my 21K run unopened. Normally, opening a race kit excites me. I always want to know what freebies to get and what the singlet looks like (or if it even fits). Not this time. I didn't want to think about the impending race and opening the package would just make it...real. It would cement my resolve to run a 21K and it will make my decision irreversible. Yes, I'm that anxious about my first 21K :)) (For all I know, the kit may contain a 5K kit by mistake so I'd have nothing to worry about. Hehe)

The Lawyer Chronicles

Last year, I took on a new job as a corporate lawyer for a private company. As general counsel, my work is quite unpredictable. Unlike in my previous job where work is a cycle of reading records, research, writing,  and revising, my current job is much like my law firm job where I was required to do a little bit of everything (except court appearances. and personally filing documents with government agencies. Which I loathed. Hehe). 

As part of my current work, I had the rare opportunity to interview a well-respected lawyer in his early eighties, together with a group of lawyers, for his deposition. We paid him a visit at his house - which is very cozy and beautiful, by the way - and positioned ourselves by the round breakfast table fronting a wide lawn. When he saw me, the only female in a group of five, he shook my hand and asked, "Oh, so you're a lady lawyer?" For the rest of the interview, he kept on referring me as the "lady lawyer". He must be used to dealing with dominantly male lawyers in practice. I think he has no inkling that 70% of students in the major law schools are now composed of women. At least in our school, that was the composition.

On Waiting (Part 1)

Last Monday night, I was in CCF Makati, the satellite church of CCF Main in Ortigas, where I usually attend. 

I have good memories of CCF Makati. My first visit was when I worked as backup photographer for George Padua at the 25th wedding anniversary of a well-loved couple in church. I was truly blessed by the stories shared. The posters about "love" tacked on the church pillars spoke volumes on the general message sent out to the church attendees. I was going through personal struggles at that time, and it was then that I strongly felt God's loving assurance. It was also the day before our flight to the US for a long overdue family vacation/reunion. The three weeks that followed was a manifestation of God's love and generosity. And it was the best vacation I've had in my 30 years of existence. 

This time, I went back to CCF Makati for Monday Bible Study. It's a weekly bible study group for Christian singles targeting yuppies in the Makati CBD, the same group that organizes the B1G Retreat every year. I've been meaning to attend the B1G Retreat either as participant or volunteer, but there's always a conflict in my schedule. So I planned on attending the MBS regularly, which is the next best thing.

Running Reflections

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

- Hebrews 12:1-3

I ran last Friday to make up for the canceled training last Vday. I needed to burn all the fat I consumed the previous day AND the fat I was going to eat the entire weekend (I believe I wasn't successful because I ate more than I burned. Hehe.)

I suddenly realized how boring it is to run alone, and how I felt unmotivated without a group and a coach to push me to run faster. The short running track didn't help - it was tiring to run around the same track over and over. After several rounds, I decided to listen to a podcast from CCF to help me pass the time. I randomly picked out a message given last year by Pastor Peter Tan-Chi. The title of the message is, "The greatest Legacy: Intimacy with God".

As always, Pastor Peter's message is replete with wisdom but one of the lessons that stood out from the message is his discussion of Hebrews 12:1-3, particularly the first verse which talks about throwing off "everything that hinders". The New American Standard Bible translation mentions "encumbrance", while the New King James version refers to it as, "every weight". Pastor Peter mentions that these "encumbrances" affect our walk with God and slows us down. It's interesting how the author emphasizes that these "encumbrances" are different from sin, but they equally prevent us from pursuing what God wants for us.

In our walk of faith (at least in mine), we overemphasize the need to avoid sin, to battle with sin, to confess our sins to God. Without doubt, sin causes us to stumble and fall; and to even ultimately cut our relationship with the Father. The need to be vigilant when faced with temptation and sin is, of course, important, but what we don't realize is that other things - which may not necessarily be bad or evil - can prevent us from doing what God wants. For me, these things can be dangerous because some of them appear to be good; we get so immersed in them that we don't realize we've been distracted already. A seemingly harmless hobby, venture, or interest may evolve into an obsession that derails us from our godly pursuits.

I carefully thought about the "encumbrances" in my life and I was able to come up with the following list. It's incomplete, as I'm sure there are a lot of other hindrances that I may not notice:

The constant need for comfort and convenience. Comfort is something we all want and aspire for ourselves and for those we love. But the need for comfort becomes destructive when one refuses to do God's will because of it. In my case, I've been used to living a certain way that I can't imagine doing things differently, or exerting more effort to achieve something. As much as possible, I avoid getting into something that would cause me discomfort and stress - even if it would mean achieving a higher good. For a time, I thought about giving up attending my discipleship group because it takes me one hour to go there every time. But the truth is, God is more concerned of our character than our convenience; there are cases when the latter should not be a primary consideration when making decisions, especially major ones. I think we should not be limited by our comfort zone. I do believe that getting out of the comfort zone to do what God wants us to do will bless us exponentially.

Saw this photo on Pinterest and I just thought it may be apt

Facebook. And also, mindless surfing. :P I think we're all guilty of overfacebooking at some point. Since I'm a photographer, I can easily justify Facebooking and tell myself that I need it to upload photos/reply to clients. In reality, half the time, I log in to Facebook to gather chismis and/or stalk people. I sometimes set 30-minute deadlines but almost every time, I fail in my attempts and I end up Facebooking for hours. It hasn't come to a point when my work actually suffered because of it, but I'm thinking if I can Facebook for hours in a day, I can't claim to have no time to read the bible or do my devotions.

Unnecessary splurges. I don't spend much on major tangible items (except for cameras or anything camera-related), but I feel that I spend more than I should on food, clothes, and concert tickets. Hehe. Also, on several occasions, I booked myself on trips because I felt low and I "needed" to get out. Never mind that I didn't have the budget for it and I could've saved a lot had I waited for a proper timing. The worse part is, I sometimes fail to give to the church because I fall short on cash. I know when I go over my budget because it gives me an unsettling feeling inside. (Yes, that unsettling feeling is called guilt :P)

A friend told me before (and I forgot where she got this from) that before I make any major purchases (or minor ones as well), I should ask myself the following questions: 1) Do I want it? 2) Do I need it? 3) Is it within my means? 4) Does God want me to buy it? This would help a lot and prevent me from making rash decisions on money. I guess it may be applied also to making decisions on other matters. So the next time I think of booking another trip to Singapore (because I feel down/bored/pissed/frustrated), I should ask myself these questions.

The need for other peoples' approval. As much as possible, I play it safe when dealing with anyone. I try not to say anything that would be hurtful or offensive so I can gain the approval/acceptance of other people. This might lead to me not talking at all. Because of my constant need to be accepted, I fail to voice out my opinions, specifically, those matters related to my faith. I'm guilty of not sharing my faith and testimony because of the fear that people may reject me for it (or at least roll their eyes at me, which is an equally repulsive thing to do and I will hate them for it. Hehe). If I can't overcome this hurdle, then I don't think I'd be an effective Christian leader. So this is something I should pray for also, in addition to the ten thousand other things that I should be lifting up to God. 

As I said, I'm sure there are a lot of other encumbrances, but these are the ones I should work on at the moment. If anyone is serious in their walk in the Lord, I suggest that, aside from focusing on the sin that easily entangles, consider and mull over also on those encumbrances that slow us down.

Happy.....Birthday Kris Aquino!

If today didn't end the way it did, I would've cursed Vday forever and ever. 

This morning, I woke up at around 7:15 - which is later than the usual time I get up - and I knew the day isn't going to run smoothly. I usually wake up at 6 am, 6:30 at the latest. Our office is just a five minute drive from where I live, but I move pretty slow, and I want to get to the office a lot earlier than 8 am. I was able to get to the office before 8 am, thank God, then I attended a meeting with the boss, the big boss, and the bigger boss, together with other lawyers, to discuss something that involves a little bit of Philippine history. The rest of the officemates were celebrating Vday in a restaurant somewhere while I was stuck at a lunch meeting. When I got back to my cubicle, someone played a prank on me and turned Vday into April Fools'. I was really looking forward to running tonight while the rest of the world is on a date, when I found out training has been cancelled. Apparently, a lot of the runners couldn't make it. (I think I was the only one who can. LOL) 

Well played, universe. 

The Next Level

This is the group I train with now, headed by our super kind, motherly coach, Coach Janette Agura. I resumed training after "graduating" from Milo Apex Running School in early December

I'm not one to get emotional about...most things, but last week, I had a surge of mixed feelings as I - drumroll please - signed up for my first 21K! I was anxious, excited, worried, proud, all at the same time, although it was mostly anxiety I was feeling. Or more appropriately, panic. I wanted to shout to the high heavens and ask God, "What have I done??" :)) 

Truth is, it took me a while to sign up. I attempted to register for Run United twice at the website, but I chickened out and clicked "Cancel" on both occasions. I finally mustered enough courage to register, paid the fee using my credit card (as opposed to paying via bank deposit, where there's a chance I might just "forget" to pay), and waited for the confirmation through e-mail. 

Milo Finals (A Super Late Post)

What: Milo Finals

When: December 9, 2012
Where: SM Mall of Asia
Category: 10k
Time: 01:09:43

Last December, I joined the second Milo Run for the year. For the first Milo Run, I joined the 5k category; this time, I was able to finish 10k. I'm still in awe by the fact that I can actually go from 0 to 10k in a few months. Haha. I don't think I've stuck long enough in a particular sport this long.

Gunstart 2013

Finally got my 2013 Starbucks planner yesterday. And look, they got my name wrong :P 

They say the first day of the year sets the tone for the following 364 days, so you have to be keen on how you spend new year's day. Of course we all know that the first day of the new year is no different from any other day but it's nice to think of it as a fresh start, a chance to leave behind disappointments from the past year and to begin life anew. It's the perfect time to shake off all the bad vibes and enter the new year with a clean slate. 

2012 Year End Meme

And I now present the annual year-end meme.